Bartholomew Preston
- Solicitor
- Family & Divorce
Equality, wealth and family law: Navigating love’s legal landscape in LGBTQ+ relationships
Equality in LGBTQ+ relationships rarely comes down to an exact 50/50 split and is more about finding a balance that reflects the couple’s own values, not a template imposed from the outside, often forged for relationships bearing little resemblance to the lived reality of LGBTQ+ people. The absence of traditional gender roles can be liberating, but it also removes the ready-made structures that help some couples navigate financial difference. Without a shared plan, those differences can quietly grow into vulnerabilities. Open conversation and thoughtful agreements can turn potential fault lines into points of thereby creating space for love and commitment to endure. As both a family lawyer and someone in a same-sex relationship, Bart Preston has seen how some planning can protect what matters most without prejudicing romance.
Giovanni’s Room – and ours
In James Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room, David first steps into Giovanni’s cramped Paris flat to find it humming with possibility and a refuge from the outside world. But as the bills arrive and the rent needs paying contingent reality presses in until the initial love begins to fray.
For many same-sex couples this can be a familiar arc. The first months and sometimes years are intoxicating with parties feeling free, perhaps for the first time, and practicalities appearing small in comparison to the excitement of the relationship. However, without some structure, practical realities can become an uninvited guest changing the room entirely. The good news is that unlike heteronormative scripts which tend to be set aside, the rules LGBTQ+ couples write for themselves can reflect the couples’ own values and priorities.
Q: Why is financial imbalance a particular challenge in same-sex relationships?
A: In an LGBTQ+ relationship there need be no fixed roles, no “shoulds” about who earns, who pays and who decides. This kind of freedom is a gift until it becomes an excuse not to talk about money. If one partner owns the home or earns far more, the other can be left exposed when things change: equality in love does not erase inequality in assets.
Q: Isn’t love supposed to be equal? Why bring money into it?
A: Love can be equal; however wealth almost never is. Ignoring that truth doesn’t make it go away, and it risks leaving the lower-earning partner vulnerable. Talking about it and setting fair terms is a protective act and says to the weaker party: “I want you to be safe, even if we stop loving each other the way we do now.”
Q: What if I’ve been contributing to our shared home informally?
A: If you’re not married or in a civil partnership, and your name isn’t on the title, you may have no automatic claim even if you’ve paid the mortgage or funded improvements. The courts can sometimes help under the Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996, but those cases are expensive, uncertain, and hinge on evidence. A signed agreement today can save you the heartache (and expense) of litigation tomorrow.
Q: What are the main tools we can use?
- Declaration of trust: If you are buying together, or moving into a partner’s property, record each person’s beneficial share in the property and what happens on sale or buy-out. Without this the law may default to 50:50 where both names are on the title, or 100:0 where only one name appears. This is in the case where you remain unmarried/not in a civil partnership. It is a simple document to prepare to confirm how the property is owned.
- Cohabitation agreement: If you are not married or in a civil partnership and want something that goes beyond a declaration of trust then a tailored agreement that sets out who owns what, how you share living costs, and what happens if you separate is worth having. It can cover the home, bank accounts, debts, pets, short-term support, and a review process. Proper drafting, disclosure and independent legal advice increases enforceability.
- Pre- or post-nuptial agreement: For those who marry or enter a civil partnership, a fair agreement entered freely with disclosure and legal advice is generally upheld. It clarifies outcomes and reduces scope for dispute. I can assist you formulate a fair nuptial agreement.
Q: Doesn’t that kill the romance?
A: Not in the slightest. In fact, I’ve seen couples become closer once they’ve had the conversation. When you both know you’ll be treated fairly, you’re freer to get on with the business of loving and caring for one another without calculation.
Q: How do we talk about money without making it awkward?
A: Keep it short, regular, and neutral. A ‘money check-in’ every few months works well: recent expenses, upcoming costs, worries and goals. There should never be any blaming or shaming. If it’s too loaded to do alone, bring in a financial planner or therapist to guide the conversation.
Q: What if one of us earns much more?
A: That’s common. Some couples split costs proportionally to income, keeping personal spending pots separate, but please remember financial contributions are not the only ones that matter. Care, emotional support, designing and running the household have significant value as well, and your agreements can recognise that.
Q: What about illness or death?
A: If you’re unmarried or not in a civil partnership and have no Will, your partner may inherit nothing so Wills, life insurance, and pension nominations are essential. You should consider adding Lasting Powers of Attorney (LPA) for health and finances so you can act for each other if one of you loses capacity. Note the execution formalities: LPAs still require wet-ink signatures and correct witnessing until the fully digital regime is brought into force. A tailored letter of wishes can also guide tone and personal items.
Q: Why get a lawyer involved early?
A: Because it’s easier to set the terms while you’re both happy than to argue over them later. A family lawyer translates your values into workable documents, checks they align with property and pensions, and reduces the change of a future dispute. We can draft cohabitation agreements and declarations of trust that match how you live and build in review points as life changes. Our top-rated Private Client department is also on hand to help you with Will drafting and LPAs.
What to do next
- Decide if you need a cohabitation agreement, declaration of trust, or both.
- Put in place your Wills and LPAs; check pension and insurance nominations.
- Keep evidence of contributions, renovations, and any gifts or loans between you.
- Review arrangements every 18–24 months, or after major life events.
- If you are thinking about marriage or civil partnership, come talk to us. In a free, no obligation meeting we will help you see how your dream can be protected effectively.
In Giovanni’s Room, passion wasn’t enough to hold off the outside world. Planning won’t protect you from everything, but it can give you the best chance of meeting life’s challenges together or, if need be, parting with fairness.
How Wedlake Bell can help
We advise clients from all walks of life with discretion and care: from City professionals to rural landowners and those in the public eye.
Contact Bart Preston on 020 3697 7404 or bpreston@wedlakebell.com for a free, no-obligation conversation.
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